We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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