Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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