he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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