I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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