i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
