dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
