Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
