So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
