I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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