She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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