I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
