surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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