I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
