just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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