dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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