i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
