Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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