I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
