how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
