it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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