I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize