Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
