my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
