I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
