This girl is more easily done than said...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
