you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
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I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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