I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
