I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
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At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
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Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
the raccoons are back...
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