His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
