I think I won the penis lottery.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
