8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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