Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
