The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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