I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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