He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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