we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
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Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
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Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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