I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
