I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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