There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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