Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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