He is an equal opportunity slut.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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