someone get that fucking seahorse.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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