I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
