I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Randomize
