i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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