Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
