Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I FOUND THE LEGS
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
