Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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