I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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