So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
