So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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