the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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