HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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