Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
