Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
