I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I cut my penus on the lid.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
