I am full of burrito and curiosity
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
