So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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