you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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