I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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