hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
