Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Actions speak louder than pants.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
