Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
