I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
