Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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