dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
