my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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