Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
