some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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