we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
