If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
