So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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