I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
