oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
