Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
