ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
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I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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