Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
