you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
