Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
