Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
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I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
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Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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