Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
