I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i need some magic done to my vagina
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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