We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
