Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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