new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I wanna passion pit in your ass
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
