The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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