So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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